8 Concision Michael Alley Joseph M Williams Stan

8. Concision (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams, & Stan Fields) Principles of concision: A. Delete words and phrases that mean little or nothing. B. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words. C. Delete words implied by other words. D. Replace a phrase with a word. E. Change negatives to affirmatives. Examples: Ai. Delete words that mean little or nothing: Kind of actually Virtually individual particular basically really generally certain given various practically Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology.

8. Concision (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams, & Stan Fields) Principles of concision: A. Delete words and phrases that mean little or nothing. B. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words. C. Delete words implied by other words. D. Replace a phrase with a word. E. Change negatives to affirmatives. Examples: Ai. Delete words that mean little or nothing: Kind of actually Virtually individual particular basically really generally certain given various practically Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology. Change to: Productivity depends on psychology more than on technology.

Aii. Delete phrases that mean little or nothing: As a matter of fact The course of It is significant that it should be pointed out it is noteworthy that the presence of I might add that the fact that It is known that It is interesting to note that over 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36, 000 kilograms of space debris.

Aii. Delete phrases that mean little or nothing: As a matter of fact The course of It is significant that it should be pointed out it is noteworthy that the presence of I might add that the fact that It is known that It is interesting to note that over 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36, 000 kilograms of space debris. Change to: More than 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36, 000 kilograms of space debris. From a single journal issue: Studies have revealed that Elegant experimental work provides striking evidence that The results gathered so far indicate that Studies have shown that We should also remember that It is therefore of great interest several recent reports suggest that Current genetic findings suggest that

B. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words: Full and complete True and accurate first and foremost each and every and all basic and fundamental C. Delete words implied by other words: basic fundamentals future plans each individual final outcome various different large in size round in shape unusual in nature in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in appearance.

B. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words: Full and complete first and foremost True and accurate each and every and all basic and fundamental C. Delete words implied by other words: basic fundamentals future plans each individual final outcome various different large in size round in shape unusual in nature in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in appearance. Change to: During that period, the membrane became pink and shiny. Imagine someone trying to learn the rules for playing the game of chess. Learning implies someone trying; chess is a kind of game. Change to: Imagine learning the rules of chess.

D. Replace a phrase with a word: At this point in time At that point in time Has the ability to In light of the fact that Concerning the matter of In the event that In the vicinity of In a situation in which It is possible that Owing to the fact that The question as to whether There is no doubt but that now then can because about if near when may because whether no doubt Despite the fact that the data were checked, errors occurred.

D. Replace a phrase with a word: At this point in time At that point in time Has the ability to In light of the fact that Concerning the matter of In the event that In the vicinity of In a situation in which It is possible that Owing to the fact that The question as to whether There is no doubt but that now then can because about if near when may because whether no doubt Despite the fact that the data were checked, errors occurred. Change to: Although the data were checked, errors occurred.

This is the most difficult type of redundancy to fix because it requires a large vocabulary: As you carefully read what you have written to improve wording and catch errors of spelling and punctuation, the thing to do before anything else is to see whether you could use sequences of subjects and verbs instead of the same ideas expressed in nouns. carefully read what you have written… the thing to do before anything else use X instead of Y nouns instead of verbs sequences of subjects and verbs Change to: As you edit, first replace nominalizations with clauses edit first replace nominalizations clauses

E. Change negatives to affirmatives: Expressing ideas in the negative form is less efficient and direct than the affirmative. Except when applicants have failed to submit applications without complete documentation, benefits will not be denied.

E. Change negatives to affirmatives: Expressing ideas in the negative form is less efficient and direct than the affirmative. Except when applicants have failed to submit applications without complete documentation, benefits will not be denied. Change to: You will receive benefits only if you submit all of your documents. Not different similar Not the same different Not allow prevent Not notice overlook not many few not often rarely not stop continue not include omit

9. Excessive Hedging and Intensifying (Joseph M. Williams & Stan Fields) Some common hedges: usually often sometimes almost virtually possibly perhaps apparently in some ways somewhat to a certain extent In some respects most many some a certain number of may might can could seem appear suggest indicate There seems to be some evidence that may suggest that certain differences between Japanese and Western rhetoric could derive from historical influences possibly traceable to Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts. Could be changed to: This evidence proves that Japanese and Western rhetorics differ because of Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts. But might better be changed to: This evidence suggests that aspects of Japanese and Western rhetoric differ because of Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts.

Intensifying: Avoid phrases that characterize the truth status of a statement: Clearly, doubtless, undoubtedly, obviously as is well-known it should not be necessary to mention as you are by now well aware as should be apparent by now as you have seen from the above Avoid words that color the qualities of an observation and are not supported by further explanation or definition: magnificent, fascinating, incredible, awesome, terrible, unbelievable, unparallel, exciting, fantastic, bizarre Avoid efforts to convince the reader by language: The results clearly show that It is obvious from Figure 1 that The data argue convincingly that The only possible interpretation of these results is If the results are clear, obvious, convincing, etc. the reader does not need to be told these things. Moreover, the use of these terms undermines the significance of results that do not include these terms.

10. Abbreviations, Numbers & Noun Strings (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams & Stan Fields) Abbreviations People recognize words from their letters and from their shapes; when words are presented in capital letters this slows the reading. The over use of abbreviations also becomes irritating because one must repeatedly refer back to the original definitions. Rules of thumb: Use a small number of abbreviations in any one paper or grant application; abbreviations should substantially shorten what they stand for; abbreviations should be used multiple times in the writing; avoid long separations between the definition of an abbreviation and its use; abbreviations should not be combined together in a single sentence to produce gibberish. To detect densely connected subgraphs potentially representing biological modules, we applied the MCODE graph clustering algorithm to the CCSB-HI 1 and to the combined CCSB-HI 1 -LCI and CCSB-HI 1 -LC networks.

Numbers The use of numbers in writing also slows the reading. If numbers can be expressed in one or two words, write them out: 1 one 2, 000 two thousand 13 thirteen 76 seventy six However, there a number of exceptions to this rule: Page numbers: Page 21 Figure numbers: Figure 2 Negative numbers: -1 Decimals: 0. 3 Specific measurements: 12 meters/second Percentages: 15 percent Large numerals: 46 million Noun Strings Noun strings are frequently encountered in technical writing: Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often results from…

Numbers The use of numbers in writing also slows the reading. If numbers can be expressed in one or two words, write them out: 1 one 2, 000 two thousand 13 thirteen 76 seventy six However, there a number of exceptions to this rule: Page numbers: Page 21 Figure numbers: Figure 2 Negative numbers: -1 Decimals: 0. 3 Specific measurements: 12 meters/second Percentages: 15 percent Large numerals: 46 million Noun Strings Noun strings are frequently encountered in technical writing: Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often results from… Reversing the order of the words makes compound noun phrases easier to read: Physicians misdiagnose disordered thought in young children because…

11. Common Usage Problems (Michael Alley, Robert A. Day, Bryan A. Garner & Stan Fields). That/Which: Use “that” for restrictive or defining clauses that are essential to the rest of the sentence (a restrictive clause limits the possible meaning of the preceding subject). NO COMMA Use “which” for nondefining or nonrestrictive clauses that are not essential to the rest of the sentence (non restrictive clauses tell you about, but do not limit the meaning of a preceding subject). Can be omitted without changing the meaning. COMMA We will select the option that has the highest thermal efficiency. We will select Option A, which has the highest thermal efficiency. Cet. B mutants, which are tolerant to colicin E 2, also have an altered… (all Cet. B mutants are tolerant) Cet. B mutants that are tolerant to colicin E 2 also have an altered… (only some Cet. B mutants are tolerant)

Genome sequences ____ have been determined include those of the monkey and the chimpanzee. The sequence _______ has had the most impact is the human genome. The NIH , _______ has funded most of these studies has, been pleased with the outcome. The universities ______ did most of the work included MIT/Whitehead. The Whitehead Center _______ was led by Eric Lander contributed about , , 1/3. DNA sequencers _______ were purchased at huge cost were , , essential to the effort.

Affect/Effect: Affect is almost always a verb; it means “to influence; to have an effect on. ” Effect is primarily a noun meaning “result” or “consequence. ” To affect something is to have an effect on it. But as a verb, effect means “to bring about; produce” (used in phrases like: “to effect change”). Continuous/Continual: “Continual” means repeatedly and “continuous” means without interruption. For two weeks, the whales continually dived to great depths in search of food. The spectrum of light is continuous. Datum (singular)/Data (plural): Datum is rarely used any more and data is now acceptable as either singular or plural. However, there are conservatives that don’t agree with this. If you need a singular form and don’t wish to use datum, write: “a data point. ” Complementary/Complimentary: Complementary is used for items that complete something (e. g. , complementary strands of DNA). Complimentary is used for expressing civility, regard or praise, or given free (e. g. , complimentary remarks, complimentary tickets, etc. )

Quantify/Quantitate: Both are used as verbs, but quantify appears to be the preferred choice: -“quantitate is a needless variant of quantify, newly popular with social scientists, whose word choice should never be treated as a strong recommendation” (Bryan A. Garner in The Oxford Dictionary of American Style and Usage) -Quantify is recognized by 5 online libraries, but quantitate by only two. -Quantify is recognized by Microsoft products, but quantitate is not. Þ Use QUANTIFY in your writing. Comprise/Compose: The parts compose the whole; the whole comprises the parts. Comprise means “to contain” and compose means “to make up” (e. g. , 52 cards compose a full pack; a full pack comprises 52 cards) Only: The precise placement of “only” in a sentence is important Only I hit him in the eye yesterday. I only hit him in the eye yesterday. I hit only him in the eye yesterday. I hit him only in the eye yesterday. I hit him in the only eye yesterday. I hit him in the eye only yesterday. I hit him in the eye yesterday only.

Key Principles: Þ Readers prefer that the main characters (flesh and blood or abstract) are subjects and most of the verbs name the actions of the characters. Sentences are cohesive with one another when we see at the beginning of a second sentence information that appeared toward the end of the preceding sentence. Þ Passages are coherent when we see that the topics of each sentence in the passage constitute a relatively small set of related ideas. Þ Be concise: -Delete words and phrases that: mean little or nothing; that repeat the meaning of other words; that are implied by other words. -Replace a phrase with a word. -Change negatives to affirmatives. Þ Avoid hedging & intensifying; limit abbreviations

NEXT WEEKS ASSIGNMENT: METHODS OF PROCEDURE (i. e. , RESEARCH DESIGN AND METHODS) This section of the proposal should tell the reviewers: 1. What you propose to do. 2. How you propose to do it. 3. What results you expect and what they will mean in terms of the overall project. 4. What might go wrong. 5. What alternative approaches will be used to cope with potential problems.

Technical/Editorial Considerations: -The Research Design and Methods section should be divided into subsections, with each subsection corresponding to one of the specific aims of the proposal. -Each subsection (aim) of the Research Design and Methods section should be further subdivided as follows: Title: restate the specific aim, verbatim. Introduction: a short paragraph that states the objective of the aim, the hypothesis to be tested, the overall strategy and the expected outcomes. Experimental Design: describe the experiments that will be performed. Avoid emphasis on routine methods and trivial details (p. H, buffer composition, etc. ) unless the technology would be unfamiliar to the reviewers. This is not intended to be a methods manual. Anticipated Results and Potential Problems: summarize your most important results (but do not overstate expectations). If potential problems exist, state them, offer alternative strategies, but DO NOT overemphasize them. -Each subsection (aim) should be roughly equally weighted (each should consist of a similar number of pages in the Research Design and Methods section).