5 Paragraph Theme of Analysis Outlining your drafts

5 -Paragraph Theme of Analysis Outlining your drafts and critiques

Good thesis example ü “Jamal grows to know William as helpful, eccentric and supportive. ” ü What’s good: the central idea divides into three topics - helpful, eccentric and supportive. ü Suggested revision: Aren’t helpful and supportive the same thing? Look for another trait for that third spot.

Good thesis 2 ü “Jamal knows William as a friend, as a teacher and as a role model. ” ü What’s good about this? Thesis doesn’t name three traits but does name roles. That also works. ü The thesis suggests a three-part development. ü Consider: Is this the best order?

Problem thesis ü “Jamal and William both change drastically over the course of the novel. ” ü Problem 1: The thesis doesn’t suggest a threepart development. ü Problem 2: Development could turn into a narrative, not analysis.

Problem thesis ü “Jamal knows William as helpful, a friend a protector. ” ü Revision needed: Make three aspects the same kind of words - helpful is a trait, friend and protector are roles.

Problem thesis ü What makes Jamal a winner? ü Problem: A thesis should be a statement, not a question. ü Solution: Restate as: “The things that make Jamal the winner he is are his courage to explore the unknown, his willingness to compete with others, and determination to keep going despite setbacks. ”

Other issues with the outlines ü Topic sentences don’t line up with thesis. ü Thesis was “Jamal sees William as a friend and teacher. ” ü First topic sentence: “He was a creepy old man, and thought to be a murderer. ” ü The TS doesn’t take an aspect of thesis to develop.

What is next? ü Use the ideas of this presentation to revise your outline. ü If you haven’t finished an outline, do it, and review this presentation as a selfcheck ü If you have finished the outline but haven’t turned it in, use this presentations ideas to check it before turning it in.