12 Characteristics of an Abuser 1 Theyre Charming

12 Characteristics of an Abuser

1. They’re Charming • This person quickly smothers the other with gifts and praise. He/she immediately pushes for an exclusive relationship using phrases such as “I can’t live without you” or “I’ll kill myself if you leave. ” A clear indication something is wrong.

2. They’re Jealous • He/she views others as a threat to the relationship and relentlessly accuses you of flirting. “I know you are having an affair. ” The irony is that the abuser is usually the cheater.

3. They’re Manipulative • Abuse and manipulation go hand-inhand. This person easily detects vulnerability in others and uses it as a weapon to control, belittle and demean the victim. “You are weak and ugly; no wonder you were abused as a kid. ”

4. They’re Controlling • Constant checking on the whereabouts of the victim is a common trait for the abuser. “I check the mileage on your car. So don’t lie to me. ” A male controller often refuses to let his girlfriend have a job, she might “meet someone. ”

5. They Play the Victim • An abuser doesn’t take any responsibility for his/ her poor choices. They are never at fault. When she loses her job, or he gets into a fight, someone else is to blame. “You make me hit you” or “I drink because you stress me out. ”

6. They’re Narcissistic • The whole world revolves around the abuser and his/her needs. This person is invigorated by the fact that the victims “walks on eggshells” and live in fear of the next outburst.

7. They’re Inconsistent • Mood swings are a common trait for an abuser. One minute he/she is happy and sweet, the next they are pounding a fist or throwing a tantrum.

8. They’re very Critical • Verbally assaulting others is a way of life for the abuser. “You are a stupid, fat, disgusting tramp. You can’t ever leave me; no other man would have you” or “Ha! You call yourself a man. You are nothing but a mama’s boy. ”

9. They’re Disconnected • Isolation from family and friends is a key goal for the abuser because it forces the victim into total submission. “Your family causes too much trouble for us. I don’t want you seeing them anymore. ” Make time for me, don’t leave me lonely And know we’ll never see your family more than mine

10. They’re Hypersensitive • The slightest offense sends the abuser ranting. Everyone is out to “get him/her. ” “My boss had it in for me; I bend over backwards on my job but I still got fired. ”

11. Vicious and Cruel • A significant number of abusers harm children and animals as well as a partner. Intimidation and inflicting pain fuels his/her power. “If I can’t have you, no one will” or “I just pretended to love you so that you would sleep with me. ”

12. They’re Insincerely Repentant • He/she will swear to never “behave like that again. ” But unless an abuser receives professional help and solid accountability it’s unlikely the abuse will disappear.

Song Assignment Extra Credit • Does your song demonstrate any of these abusive characteristics? • Discuss during your presentation