1 Blessed are the Peacemakers For they will
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Blessed are the Peacemakers For they will be called sons of God Matthew 5: 9 A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict 2
What is a Peacemaker? Peacemakers are people who breathe grace. They draw continually on the goodness and power of Jesus Christ, and then they bring his love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom into the conflicts of daily life. 3
God delights to breathe his grace through peacemakers and use them to dissipate anger, improve understanding, promote justice, and encourage repentance and reconciliation. Will YOU seek to be a Peacemaker in any conflicts you experience? 4
The Bible is Full of Peace Romans 12: 18 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. ” Romans 14: 19 “So then we pursue things which make for peace and the building up of one another. ” Hebrews 12: 14 “Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. ” 5
James 3: 17 “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. ” Romans 14: 17 “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. ” Ephesians 2: 14 “For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility. ” 6
Ephesians 4: 3 “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ” Colossians 1: 20 “And through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. ” 1 Corinthians 14: 33 “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. ” 7
Colossians 3: 15 “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ” Galatians 5: 22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. ” 1 Peter 3: 11 “They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. ” 1 Peter 3: 18 “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. ” 8
Why Do We Need to Study Peacemaking? 9
*Our Natural Inclinations *“No matter what race or country we come from, none of us is naturally inclined to obey Jesus’ commands to love our enemies, confess our wrongs, gently correct others, submit to our church, and forgive those who hurt us. *In fact, left to our own instincts, we are disposed to do just the opposite. ” 10
“Fortunately, God has provided a way for us to overcome our innate weakness as peacemakers and learn to respond to conflict constructively. His solution is the gospel, the good news that “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinner” sinner (1 Timoty 1: 15) This wonderful news can radically change the way we respond to conflict 11
4 G’s of Peacemaking 1. 2. 3. 4. Glorify God Get the log out of your own eye Gently restore Go and be reconciled 12
*Glorify God 1 Corinthians 10: 31 “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. ” God v. Peacemakers have a deep desire to bring God glory by revealing the reconciling love and power of Christ. v. As we draw on God’s grace and obey His will, we find freedom from the impulsive, self-centered decisions that make conflict worse. v. Instead of focusing on our own desires we depend on His forgiveness, wisdom, power and love. 13
* ü God is glorified when we forgive others – Mk. 11: 25 üGod is glorified when we trust him to show the justice of our cause – Ps. 37: 5 -6 üGod is glorified when we obey His commands- Jn. 14: 15 üGod is glorified when we choose to think excellent thoughts – Phil. 4: 2 -9 üGod is glorified when we set our minds on things above Col. 3: 1 -4 14 –
*Get the log out of your own eye Matthew 7: 5 “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. ” v. Instead of blaming others for a conflict or resisting correction, we take responsibility for our contribution to the conflict. v. We confess our sins to those we have wronged, asking God to change our wrong attitudes and habits that cause conflict with others. 15
v Attacking others only invites counterattacks, so God’s wisdom is to get the log out of your own eye first. v. When we overlook others’ minor offenses and honestly admit our own faults, our opponents will often respond in kind. v. As tensions decrease, the way may be open for sincere discussion, negotiation, and reconciliation. 16
*Gently restore Galatians 6: 1 “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. ” gently v Talk personally and graciously with those whose offenses seem too serious to overlook. v. Seek in private to restore rather than condemn them. v. If they refuse, ask others in the Body of Christ to help settle the matter in a biblical manner. 17
ü Gently Restore by gradual exposure – Mt. 18: 15 -20 üGently Restore by willingly taking the initiative- Mt. 5: 23 üGently Restore by not going to court – 1 Cor. 6: 1 -8 üGently Restore by speaking wholesome words – Eph. 4: 29 ü Gently Restore by not quarreling but gently instructing – 2 Tim. 2: 24 -26 18
*Go and Be Reconciled Matthew 5: 24 “… leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; them then come and offer your gift. ” v Instead of pretending that conflict doesn’t exist or allowing relationships to wither, we will actively pursue genuine peace and reconciliation; forgiving others as God forgave us, and seeking just and mutually beneficial solutions to our differences. v. The debris of conflict is cleared away and the door is open for genuine peace. 19
v. By God’s grace we will apply these 4 principles as a matter of stewardship, realizing that conflict is an opportunity, not an accident. v. We will remember that success in God’s eyes is not a matter of specific results, but of faithful, dependent obedience. v. We will pray that our peacemaking efforts will bring praise to our Lord Jesus and lead others to know His infinite love. 20
The Slippery Slope 21
Stay on Top of the Hill v 3 Basic Ways People Respond to Conflict v. Escape Responses v. Peace-Making Responses v. Peace-Breaking Responses v. If you want to stay on the top of the slippery slope, you need to ask God to help you to resist the natural inclination to escape or attack when facing conflict. v. Second, ask him to develop in you the ability to live out the gospel by using the peacemaker responses 22
Peace Faking / Escape Responses: Responses Suicide Flight Denial Peace Making Responses: Responses Overlook Reconciliation Negotiation Mediation Arbitration Accountability Peace Breaking / Attack Responses: Responses Assault Litigation Murder 23
Denial: Escape Responses Interest is to avoid a conflict vs. solving it. Belief that all conflict is wrong or dangerous to the relationship. Results in only temporary relief. Flight: Run away – from house, or relationship, quit the job, file for divorce, change churches. Just postpones dealing with problem. OK to leave for a while to pray, settle down or seek safety. Suicide: Lose of all hope, never the right way to deal with conflict, 3 rd leading cause of adolescent death. 24
Attack Responses Assault: Interest is winning a conflict rather than preserving a relationship, conflict is a contest to assert rights and control others, intimidation, verbal attacks, gossip, slander, physical violence. Conflict worsens. Litigation: Court used to force others to bend to their will, damages relationship vs. heals, Christians forbidden to take brothers to court (1 Cor. 6: 1 -8) Murder: Desperate desire to win a dispute, kill opponent either physically or through hatred (1 Jn. 3: 15) 25
Peacemaking Responses Overlook: resolve dispute quietly by deliberately overlooking the offense (Prov. 12: 16; 19: 11), a form of forgiveness, resolve not to talk about it, dwell on it, let it grow into pent-up bitterness. Reconciliation: If offense is too serious to overlook, or has damaged relationship – need confession, loving correction, forgiveness. Negotiation: Strive to reach settlement that satisfies legitimate needs on both sides. 26
Mediation: Cannot reach agreement in private, ask one or more objective outsiders to help you communicate more clearly, mediators can give advice but have no authority to force a solution. Arbitration: If no voluntary solution is reached, one or more arbitrators come to listen and render binding decisions to settle the issue. (1 Cor. 6: 4) Accountability: If a professing believer refuses to reconcile and do what is right, call in church leaders to follow Mt. 18 process. 27
A Biblical View of Conflict Definition: Conflict is a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires. What are the “blue words” telling us? James 4: 1 -3 “What causes fights and quarrels among you? you Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 28
Conflict Provides Opportunities to bring praise and honor to God The best way to glorify God in conflict is to depend on and draw attention to His grace, love, mercy, strength, wisdom, and forgiveness – given to us in Christ Jesus. 1. Opportunity to TRUST HIM – Prov. 3: 5 -7 Instead of relying on your own ideas and strength in conflict, believe God will give you grace to follow His ways even if your emotions don’t want to. 2. Opportunity to OBEY HIM – Jn. 13: 17 Obedience to His known will is the most direct path to glorifying God. 29
3. Opportunity to IMITATE HIM – Eph. 5: 1 -2 Fix your eyes on Jesus as He dealt with His opponents. Follow in His steps. His life was dedicated to reconciling men to God and to each other. 4. Opportunity to CREDIT HIM – Phil. 2: 13 Conflict gives you the powerful opportunity to exalt Christ as the Only and Sufficient Peace-maker. He works in us to enable us to do His good will. 5. Opportunity to SERVE OTHERS – Lk. 6: 27 -28 Jesus tells us to do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse us!! 6. Opportunity to be more LIKE CHRIST– CHRIST Heb. 12: 3, 4 Jesus endure great hostility from sinful men as our example of joyful endurance for God’s glory. Our struggles are minor compared to His! 30
4 Primary Causes of Conflict 1. Misunderstanding resulting from poor communication 2. Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions. 3. Competition over limited resources such as time and money. 4. Aggravated sinful attitudes and habits that lead to sinful words and actions. 31
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